pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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