while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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