um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
