so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
