the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
