Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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