I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
