The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
sarcasm needs its own font
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
