I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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