The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
