We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
