Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
