I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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