you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
God, I missed his penis.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
