Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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