I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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