4 words: hood of his car
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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