Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
