can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
