I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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