Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
