Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Couch. On fire.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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