I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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