Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
