I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
