I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
