I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
