My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
