Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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