i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
