It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
