he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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