I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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