very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
