sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
