Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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