i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
