I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
