She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
