I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
