And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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