are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
