toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
