eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
