So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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