I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I want to be your penis for a week.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
