my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
