WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
