just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
