I didn't shave. On purpose
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
