My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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