my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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