FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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