i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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