I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
