Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
only you would photoshop your dick
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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