but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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