whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize