I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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