I need to stop coming to work sober
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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