He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
