ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
