I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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