I could have mohawked her pubes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
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