too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
