Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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