remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
