I puked a lego.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
