I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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