I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
