Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
