In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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