while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
