remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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