How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
