i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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