i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize